How often do we find ourselves saying, “I’m fine” when asked how we are or if we need help?
But, is everything really fine? What if it isn’t?
I have always been one to help others, readily and easily, but… when it comes to accepting help, I had to really work on this as it was really hard for me to do.
It is funny how the universe presents us magical messages and opportunities to learn and grow. I really had to learn to accept help from others when my second son had a massive neonatal stroke an hour after he was born. He was in the hospital for over a week and I was there with him. My parents helped out with my oldest son and I accepted the help of meals from my amazing friends and neighbors.
But, as soon as I returned home with my baby… I told everyone, “I’m fine, It’s fine, everything is fine” and I can make our meals now.
Clearly, I didn’t get the magical message as, a few years later, the same day I found out I was having my fourth boy, my third son was diagnosed with leukemia. I called in the calverley of dear friends, family and reached out to people I knew who went through this to help me.
I remember coming home from being at the hospital and a neighbor was dropping off a basket of my laundry. I was horrified and said to my mother who was holding down the home front,
“I am okay with the meals coming in and people having playdates and carpooling with my older boys, but I need to draw the line at my bras and undies all over town!”
My mother said, “Jenny, why do you have such a hard time letting people help you?”
Over time, I realized three things.
- I didn’t like to put other people out (even though I never felt put out helping others).
- I did not want anyone to think I was weak, incapable, less than or… not enough.
- But…allowing people to help me actually made me stronger and better able to be present for the things that matter… like my kids.
This realization dawned on me again as I noticed how “triggered” and resistant to admitting to having stress or to accepting help and support in their life so many women and moms seem to be.
For us high achievers, the “I’m fine, It’s fine, everything is fine” statement comes to mind because, to admit it is not fine, is to fear judgment, or fear we are, somehow, not enough.
We are used to being the strength, the doer, the person who shows up for others and gets the job done. We are the warrior women, constantly trying to subconsciously prove that we are important; that we are enough.
But, what if I told you that this belief system and drive to show up for or to please others and to be perfect is creating HUGE stress in your life and robbing you of the joy and connection within it?
This was me and this was a huge contributing factor to my migraines, my IBS, my reactivity and, yes, to my stress and overwhelm, even though, on the surface, I seemed to have it all together.
As people often told me, “You are so strong. I don’t know how you do it all!” I didn’t ever want to admit that “doing it all” came with a price. I was showing up for others at the expense of myself.
The price was my own health and happiness.
I had to learn, If you want calm, clarity and even connection in your life it doesn’t just happen.
It didn’t for me.
You have work to do, challenges to face, maybe even battles to win. The work takes deep reflection, not a simple step or pill to swallow. The peace doesn’t happen just when stars are aligned and things calm down around you. This state of being is cultivated within so you can find this truth, this inner wisdom and strength when the world spins in chaos all around you. You find your center, and become the calm within the storm.
If you are willing to do the work, the self-reflection, I can help with this transformational work.
Your first step is to schedule a Clarity call with me here.
I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Your Transformation Coach and Mind, Body and Spirit Connector