When women set boundaries, the reaction is often… reactive, “What a bitch!”.
But, is being true to yourself and mindful of your time and energy being a “bitch”? Or, is the reaction from a lack of boundaries themselves?
When you understand the importance of boundaries and do your “inside work”, you can respect and honor other people’s boundaries. You may be frustrated or disappointed, but you can still respect the boundary.
For example, I was working with a marketing person who decided she wanted to work with realtors and investment bankers instead of health and wellness coaches. I understand, as there is consistent money there and deeper pockets. When I asked her to do a few more final things to complete a project we had worked on together, she paused for a moment, took a deep breath and said:
“I am going to have to say no as I have a lot of other projects and limited time. Our contract is over and I can no longer do this. I recommend you get a Virtual Assistant to do this.”
Well, my initial reaction was… not positive.
But, I paused and took a deep breath and said, “I respect your boundaries and appreciate your honesty.”
You see, whatever I may have thought I deserved or was entitled to, was mine. Whether I agreed with her or not, if I want my boundaries to be respected, I must honor other people’s.
What stops us from saying no, or this is not working for me? What interferes with our boundary setting?
The need to please others or have other people approve of and like us.
What drains our energy and robs us of joy and happiness or fulfillment?
Doing things to please others at the expense of ourselves. This is the price we can pay when we focus on other people’s joy; we risk giving up our own.
What is a healthy personal boundary and why is it important to have them?
According to TherapistAid.com and University of California Berkley, a person can have rigid boundaries, porous boundaries or healthy boundaries.
“Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships”.
Psychology Central defines personal boundaries as “The lines we draw for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others.”
Setting clear boundaries helps us communicate what we are comfortable with and what we are not. When we honor this and even reflect on what TYPE of boundaries we have, we can start to take back our power over our own health and happiness.
There are three types of boundaries. Which one do you have?
Rigid Boundaries: Lack flexibility and are very black and white. These types of boundaries can interfere with building and sustaining relationships.
Porous Boundaries: Can be too flexible and lead to being taken for granted, taken advantage of or even mistreated. This is the type that can become harmful to health and happiness as well as facilitating healthy relationships.
Healthy Boundaries: Accepts when others say no and does not compromise your own values for other people. When you know what you want, what you need and communicate them while respecting the needs of others. This has some flexibility in thought, but respects and values own time, energy and opinions.
The good news is, when you are aware of the type of boundary you have, you can take steps to either change it or improve it. This is the magic of awareness, intuition and choice. Boundaries can actually create more space in our lives to open to the things that bring us joy, purpose and even peace.
Part of awakening to the magic within us is getting clear about what lights us up inside, what feeds our soul and what enhances our energy. On the flip side, it is also creating healthy boundaries to honor these things and to preserve our energy, stay aligned with our mind, body and spirit needs and speaking our truth.
Is this something you struggle with?
Do you know you are a “pleaser” and have porous boundaries?
Do you want to have healthier boundaries so you can find calm in the chaos of life?
I have two programs that are about to be launched to help with this, depending on where they are in their journey to self.
You can book a Magical Discovery Call here if you are interested in learning more.
Where ever you are, if you are open to the possibility of more in your life… more joy and happiness, more connection to self and loved ones, more moments of peace and more magical excitement, I see you and would love to help you awaken to the magic inside.
Be well,
Jen
